Are you setting limits on what you can accomplish?
The truth is, you may be doing it without even realizing it. Today I’m sharing with you 10 self-imposed limits holding you back!
There are phrases that we use on a daily basis that can be negative. Some examples would be, “I can’t do that,” or “I’m not smart enough to figure that out.” If we aren’t careful, this type of rhetoric can even pass along to others (I’ll leave that for another blog post).
We may mean well, but we might say something like, “You can’t do that, you’re wasting your time.”
Can you see how negative these words are? This could be hurtful to someone and lower their self-confidence. If you wouldn’t say these words to someone else, then why do you think it’s okay to say them to yourself?
Below you’ll find part one of 10 self-imposed limits holding you back from accomplishing your goals.
1. You Often Say “I Can’t”
This is listed first for a reason! As my husband always says, “[Can’t] never did anything.” If you don’t believe in yourself and your ability to do something, you’ve already lost the battle. I realize this one is easier said than done, especially if you’ve already developed a habit of believing that you can’t do things. The great news is that you can always change your mindset and remove that habit from your daily life.
Fix: You have to retrain your brain to think differently, which is when you will begin to allow yourself to let go of your self-doubts and latch on to your new self-beliefs.
Start keeping tabs when you find yourself thinking that you can’t do something. When you realize this thought, start to recognize it as a negative thought. Then, replace it with a positive thought that reminds yourself that you are capable of doing absolutely anything you set your mind to.
2. You Look for Others’ Approval
Many of us have lived most of our lives trying to make others happy, otherwise known as being a “people-pleaser.”
In my younger years, I used to think of this as a positive term. After all, who doesn’t want to rise to the expectations of friends or loved ones? More particularly, you want them to be happy with you and your choices. This, my friends, is the start to a very dark, lonely road that’s filled with more sad times than joyful ones.
You are responsible for your decisions, but you are not responsible for reactions to those decisions made by others. It’s important to remember this is true even if they try to make you feel guilty for those decisions.
Fix: Think about your life at this very moment and assess if it’s where you ultimately want to be. If it’s not, start planning a course of action to change that without a consultation with people who you have allowed to control your life.
You only have one life to live, each person has that very same one life. They have an opportunity to live their lives the way that they choose, and so do you! You must live your life for you. Otherwise, you will never be truly happy within yourself. Your happiness will always be dependent upon someone else’s thoughts or dictations.
3. Your Circle is Negative
The people that you surround yourself with (your circle) are very important to your well-being. These people can be beneficial or disastrously detrimental.
Have you ever noticed that when a person you are around is always complaining or upset, it makes you feel bad too. Those feelings are contagious. The same goes for when you are around someone who is smiling and spreading positive thoughts, you tend to feel happier.
Unfortunately, we often don’t see things as black-and-white when it comes to our personal circle of friends or family because we are bias.
Fix: Try to step outside of yourself and examine your closest friends or family members, and the relationships that you have with each of them. Do they produce healthy behaviors? Do they make you feel bad about yourself? Based on the answer, you should act accordingly with whether you should surround yourself with them any longer.
Doing this life audit, if you will, may seem a little harsh. However, it’s important to surround yourself with only the people who have your best interest at heart. The people that are cheering you on, and who are there for you when life gets difficult.
This section would not be complete without the story about moldy blueberries, courtesy of many episodes of Judge Judy (isn’t she smart?).
When you look at packages of blueberries, you are looking for the healthiest-looking ones. You don’t want to buy moldy blueberries. If you see a few blueberries getting moldy in a package, you put it down and start looking for a better package. Why? Because the mold will spread quickly to the other blueberries. Before you know it, they will all be moldy. This is the perfect example for this topic – if you hang out with moldy blueberries, you’ll become one too.
4. What You Allow
How you allow yourself to be treated by others is extremely important. Each of us make mistakes and do things that hurt ones that we care about sometimes. However, if it becomes a perpetual happening – then it’s time to set some boundaries. Often times, we develop reasons why it’s okay to tolerate certain behaviors.
Tolerating leads to enabling (more on that in part two!). If you choose to make excuses for why someone treats you badly, you give them a “free pass” and enable them to continue their behavior towards you in the future.
Fix: Set boundaries. Is there someone that continually treats you badly, but you continue making excuses for them? It’s time to make it clear that you will not allow yourself to be disrespected any longer. Stick with this, even when the going gets tough (unfortunately, it usually does).
If you want joy and peace in your life, this is a must. No matter who someone is to you, whether it’s your parent, sibling, aunt, uncle, cousin, best friend…that alone does not give them permission to treat you however they choose. You deserve to be treated with respect, and in order to receive that respect, you have to make it clear what you will and will not allow.
5. What Consumes Your Mind, Controls Your Life
This limit is one of the most important out of the 10 self-imposed limits holding you back. What you think is what you believe. Read that sentence again. This is why our thoughts carry so much weight. If you mind is constantly filled with negativity, you may feel like you are mentally living in a war zone.
If you are experiencing certain problems that are often on your mind, explore ways that you could begin to fix things or make them better. Get a piece of paper and write out everything that’s on your mind with the problem(s) and then start to find a logical path forward that could help make things better.
Fix: Be a witness to your thoughts. The next time you find yourself thinking something negative, try to assess if it’s a true or false thought. Fear is a liar, and so are our thoughts at times.
If you’re worrying about a problem that involves someone you care about, it’s important to be mindful that we can only change what we can control. We cannot control others and their choices, even as much as we wish we could. We can, however, support those we love and try to help them as long as we aren’t sacrificing our own mental well-being (this can go back to creating boundaries).
If you’re a witness to your thoughts, you can start to form a habit of filing those negative thoughts in the trash bin and storing the positive thoughts in your favorites folder.
This post ended up being a lot longer than I originally planned, so I’ve broken it into two parts! If you’re ready to check it out, you can read 10 Self-Imposed Limits Holding You Back Part Two now!
Things have been a little hectic lately, so I’m giving this post a little boost today. I had a health scare this week and it’s sort of put me behind on the blog. I’m doing okay, but just trying to get some rest this week. Can’t wait for things to get back to normal, friends! Wishing you all the very best remainder of your week and upcoming weekend! I hope your Memorial Day weekend was great, as well!
Let’s Chat!
Do you identify with any of these limits?
Do you find it difficult to create boundaries with negative friends or family members?
Have you allowed something to hold you back from reaching your goals?
Wow. Thank you. Having my coffee this am and reading this. I really think your inside my mind right now. Everything in here is what I’ve been feeling, telling about etc. lovin’ the blogs
Thank you, Margaret, for your kind words! I’m so glad you enjoyed this post!
This is a great article and I pinned it to my board on Pinterest. I like the way you organized the article with a problem and then a solution.
Thank you so much, Julie! I truly appreciate your feedback and for sharing my post! 🙂
I agree with all of these!
Jennifer
Effortlessly Sophisticated
Thanks so much, Jennifer!
wow great post!
Jadieegosh
Thank you, Jade! I appreciate it!
Oh dear goodness, what a hard-hitting and important article! You are absolutely spot on with all of your points. I most certainly have someone in my circle with a “can’t” attitude that I wish I could shake out of them, and I personally still have ways to go in learning how not to even think about other people’s approval rating of whatever decisions I choose to make in life. Can’t wait for the next part!
– Laura // afinnontheloose.com
Thank you so much, Laura! I agree, it’s so difficult when you see others caught up in that sort of attitude and you only want to help them see that they can do anything they set their mind to. I can totally relate on wanting others to approve of my decisions, I think it’s just human nature. I think just putting one foot in front of the other and actively trying to do better each day is all we can do, and we will continually get better at it. 🙂 I can’t wait to share part two on Monday with you! Thanks again for your thoughtful comment and enjoying the post!
These are SO handy to keep in mind; thank you so much! I really like your mention of ditching looking for the approval of others; I’m sure we could all keep that in mind every now and again! 🙂
aglassofice.com x
Aww, thank you so much for your kind words! 🙂 I absolutely agree! I try to constantly remind myself of this each day, as I am a people-pleaser at heart.
Ahh, I’ve totally been guilty of a lot of these in the past. Working on being more positive and focusing on taking care of myself has been one of the things I’ve been working on all year long. Great post!
Ashlee | https://www.maybeafterbrunch.com
Those are both wonderful things to work on! You’ve got this! 🙂 Thanks so much, Ashlee!
These setbacks are so on point and I feel like almost all of us need to work on them!
How To Actually Wake Up Earlier | Vegan Fashion + Lifestyle Blog
Thank you so much, friend! I’m right there with you. I think it’s a daily job to keep ourselves on the path to a good mindset and building a solid foundation.
This is so insightful! Thanks for sharing!
http://www.rdsobsessions.com
Thank you so much, Rach!! I appreciate you!
Ah yes well said. We should all put as much of this as we can in to practice. Very inspiring and helpful, thanks for posting 🙂
Allie of
http://www.allienyc.com
Thank you so much, Allie!! I appreciate your kind words! 🙂
So sorry about your health scare. Take care of yourself my friend! Love all these suggestions for moving forward. Boundaries is so key with people who surround you.
https://www.kathrineeldridge.com
Thank you so much, friend! I am doing my best. You don’t realize how difficult it is to tell yourself to stop and rest until you have to, haha, but I’m doing my very best to listen to my body.
These are all so true and important reminders that we need to be careful… I couldn’t agree more with the you are what you think and the wanting other’s approval.
Carrie
curlycraftymom.com
Thank you so much, Carrie! Those are big ones, and definitely difficult to navigate through at times, but we can do it! 🙂
These are great tips! I think it’s easy to be harsh and critical with ourselves sometimes – we don’t always give ourselves the same grace we extend to others!
Hope you have a nice weekend ahead of you 🙂
This is so true, Mica! We would never speak to our friends the way that we do ourselves at times.
Thank you! It has been a relaxing one so far. I hope you’re having a great one, too! 🙂
This is so true!! I should stop saying to myself “I can’t”.
I was very surprised the other day because a close friend of mine told me that I am really brave… maybe I should believe an be it more!
xx
Eli
Curly Style
It’s a hard habit to break, my friend! I love that, your close friend is a keeper for sure! 🙂 Isn’t it interesting how others can see traits in us so clearly, yet they seem to almost be invisible to us at times? I have no doubt you are so brave and I hope you keep that on a sticky note in front of you somewhere daily, as a reminder!
We got to believe a bit more in ourselves right? Loving your tips, they’re amazing.
xx Simone
Little Glittery Box
You are so right!! 🙂 Thank you bunches, Simone!
love this list, we all need self-love to remind ourselves that everything is ok.
Capturing Life Memoirs | Aimee
You are absolutely right, Aimee! Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to comment! 🙂
I strongly believe that what you think controls your life. I really try to be positive in this time and felt that I sleep better and have less stress than before! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
xoxo,
SHAIRA
Blog: http://www.missdream-girl.blogspot.com
That’s so wonderful, friend! It’s amazing how those thoughts, even just little ones, can affect our entire being so much. Thanks so much for reading, I truly appreciate it! 🙂
The tips are wonderful!
xoxo
Lovely
http://mynameislovely.com
Thank you so much, Lovely! 🙂
Talking negatively to yourself is a big one that I’m always working on. This post is so helpful! I’m pinning!
Jill – Doused in Pink
Same here, Jill! Thank you so much for pinning, you are the best! 🙂
It’s crazy how we can be our own worst enemy when it comes to achieving our goals! I definitely look for the approval of loved ones, but when I think about it, no one cares about my goals more than I do so I need to be my own hype person! Beautiful post!
Jill
https://jilliancecilia.com/
Absolutely, friend, we just have to get out of our way sometimes! I love that, being your own hype person is definitely the right idea! 🙂 I appreciate you so much for reading my post and I’m so happy you enjoyed it!
I totally agree with this! We can do a lot to hinder our chances for happiness and success. A few weeks ago I wrote a post about becoming a doer myself, and this is the cherry for that pie. Since I wrote that I’ve become involved in projects that intimidate me, getting over fears I had developed in my teenage years (15 years ago!). I feel great and will continue practicing this.
Lindifique
Oh my goodness, that’s so wonderful, Natalia! I’m so proud of you and happy for you that you rose above all of those fears. It is so difficult to do. I will definitely check out your post soon, it sounds lovely and so helpful!
You make some great points! I’m guilty of some of these x
Laura
https://www.beautywithlala.com/
Thank you so much, Laura. We all are, my friend, I’m right there with you! I think the most important thing is to be mindful of those in particular, and put in some personal development work to try to help push past them.